Poeta Fit, Non Nascitur
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Here I am, in the photo, declaiming verse at a local poetry slam. Great fun -- for me, anyway.
2024 saw me publish my first collection of verse, Poetry Slum. In it you'll find a bunch of ballades, a bevy of blank verse, a sufficiency of sonnets, and one single sestina (sestinas are difficult). A few of them may be read below, along with a couple that are exclusive to my website.
Among my poetic influences may be counted such luminaries as Wendy Cope, John Cooper Clarke, Attila the Stockbroker, James Elroy Flecker, Roger McGough, Chesterbelloc, and Noel Bastable.
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"I have come very late to Sandra’s poetry and it’s a delight to find collected here all that I have missed.
Enthusiastically recommended, but don’t try drinking while you read."
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-- Farah Mendlesohn, Past President of International Association of the Fantastic in the Arts and
former Chair of the Science Fiction Foundation
"Wendy Cope would be proud to have written Empty Recycle Bin? "
-- Rich Coad, editor, Sense of Wonder Stories
Empty Recycle Bin?
You know the irksome thing about computers,
And sending all your messages by wire?
Deleting emails brings far less catharsis
Than burning all his letters on the fire.
How To Get 20 Copyright Takedowns At Once
On a dark desert highway
She loves you, yeah yeah
I did it my way
To Scarboro Fair.
Behind the green door
Chances blown, nothing's free
But she wants to be sure
Let it go, let it be
A town without pity
A pub with no beer
It's hot in the city
I wish you were here.
Oo ee oo ah ah
Papa oom mow mow
Na na na na na
Weer all krazee now.
Can't get no, can't get no
American Pie.
There's no point in asking
You'll get no reply.
A Ballade of Facebook
A puppy with ice cream upon its face!
A bunny with a pancake on its head!
A baby dancing round without much grace!
A kitten falling off a sofa bed!
I found this giant spider in my shed!
Here's one weird trick we think you ought to know!
Some singer whom you never heard is dead!
This photograph is you, a year ago.
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Make blackheads disappear without a trace!
These refugees from Syria have fled;
Won't someone make their world a better place?
A picture of my lunch, with garlic bread!
Click here, I'll show you how to get ahead!
I've got cheap tickets to a West End show!
They thought she couldn't sing — they were misled!
This photograph is you, a year ago.
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The Hubble Telescope found this in space!
You won't believe what Paris Hilton said!
The plight of this old lady's a disgrace!
Disgusting! Thirteen kids, yet she's unwed!
A mash of Kanye West and Motorhead!
Look at me cosplay Marilyn Monroe!
Beware! your food is full of toxic lead!
This photograph is you, a year ago.
Envoi:
O Zuckerberg! devouring every shred
Of precious time that we have here below.
I'd call you things, if I weren't too well bred.
This photograph is you, a year ago.
Time Flies
I’ve been bitten by the time flies
And the itch is something chronic
I only wish their love for me
Was nothing but platonic
But here they are, devouring me
The hungry little critters
I’ve been bitten by the time flies
I just hope I taste bitter
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I’ve been bitten by the time flies
And antihistamine
Won’t cure me of their itching
It’s the worst I’ve ever seen
I’ve been bitten by the time flies
It’s driving me berserk
I’m scratching myself bloody
And even that won’t work
I’ve been bitten by the time flies
And it is plain to see
Fruit flies like a banana
But the time flies just love me
They pounce on me and gnaw me
And they feed themselves so well
That by the time they’ve finished
I am nothing but a shell
I’ve been bitten by the time flies
The time flies have sharp teeth
The scientists have told me
There is no hope for relief
There is nowhere they can’t find me
Their bites go on and on
I’ve been bitten by the time flies
And soon I will be gone
Wanderer Of The Timelines
It was on a Tuesday afternoon
You fell out of the sky
You knocked three tiles from off my roof
And landed all awry
You said the truth was unbelievable
But you wouldn’t lie
You’re a wanderer of the timelines
And so am I
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You robbed a bank in 1889
You know the Age of Reason inside out
You go back further than Methuselah
It’s safe to say you’ve been about
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It was on a Tuesday afternoon
You landed in my yard
I tried to understand your mind
I found it pretty hard
Your origins you won’t admit
And I’m too scared to pry
But I can tell you don’t belong here
And nor do I
You robbed a bank in 1889
You know the Age of Reason inside out
You go back further than Methuselah
It’s safe to say you’ve been about
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So you holed up in my spare room
You’d nowhere else to go
I quickly fell in love with you
For reasons I don’t know
Perhaps it was your strangeness
Or the wisdom in your eye
I knew you were something special
But so was I
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You robbed a bank in 1889
You know the Age of Reason inside out
You go back further than Methuselah
It’s safe to say you’ve been about
You made love like a minotaur
You moved just like a cat
I tell myself you’re human
But I’m not quite sure of that
I knew I couldn’t keep you
But somehow I had to try
Because you don’t fit in this world
And nor do I
You robbed a bank in 1889
You know the Age of Reason inside out
You go back further than Methuselah
It’s safe to say you’ve been about
Today your room was empty
Though you didn’t use the door
You left a silver hourglass
Your scent, and nothing more
I’d follow you if I knew how
And I suppose that’s why
You wouldn’t take me with you
Well, nor would I